Hi Michelle! I like how you are very thorough about your connections you made with the quotes used. There is a few grammatical errors, and it is unclear what question you're answering for this project submission. Other than that, your connections are spot on, but in order to make the submission slightly longer, you could go a little deeper when explaining the plot of the story. Act as though you're explaining ti to someone who hasn't read it before, like many of us in class. Also, a thesis would help you organize how all of he connections are related to each other, or related to issues in the news today. These are just ideas for your revisions! I can tell you spent time on your project!
Hi! I did my project on this subject as well and you and I have very similar ideas on the whole thing. You had a powerful beginning and immediately jumped into what your going to talk about. I also like the deatil you go into about regulations placed on women during that time, I can tell you did your research. I also enjoy how you don’t stray away from the story your analyzing, you still include historical facts and always circle back around to The Californians. You are right about the concept that money= power!
Hi Michelle, I enjoyed reading your project. I also used this story for my project; to describe how classes are presented differently and if the characters are aware of how the economical and/or social differences affect their lives. (Thank you for your feedback on my project!). I like how your opening paragraph gives a little information about the story as well as what the reader should look for throughout your thesis to understand why you conclude that Atherton is pointing out different rules and roles. I had a hard time with your closing sentence in paragraph 4: “Magdalena does confess and bears a physical punishment and shame for what she’s done given to her from her father, and just goes to show that physical discipline are still favorable in the society”. Are you speaking from her father’s perspective or do you feel that Magdalena thought she could right her wrong by being physically punished for her actions? Great project; your writing flows and is easy to follow. I can’t wait to read the final version!
Hi Michelle!
ReplyDeleteI like how you are very thorough about your connections you made with the quotes used. There is a few grammatical errors, and it is unclear what question you're answering for this project submission. Other than that, your connections are spot on, but in order to make the submission slightly longer, you could go a little deeper when explaining the plot of the story. Act as though you're explaining ti to someone who hasn't read it before, like many of us in class. Also, a thesis would help you organize how all of he connections are related to each other, or related to issues in the news today. These are just ideas for your revisions! I can tell you spent time on your project!
Hi! I did my project on this subject as well and you and I have very similar ideas on the whole thing. You had a powerful beginning and immediately jumped into what your going to talk about. I also like the deatil you go into about regulations placed on women during that time, I can tell you did your research. I also enjoy how you don’t stray away from the story your analyzing, you still include historical facts and always circle back around to The Californians. You are right about the concept that money= power!
ReplyDeleteHi Michelle,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your project. I also used this story for my project; to describe how classes are presented differently and if the characters are aware of how the economical and/or social differences affect their lives. (Thank you for your feedback on my project!). I like how your opening paragraph gives a little information about the story as well as what the reader should look for throughout your thesis to understand why you conclude that Atherton is pointing out different rules and roles. I had a hard time with your closing sentence in paragraph 4: “Magdalena does confess and bears a physical punishment and shame for what she’s done given to her from her father, and just goes to show that physical discipline are still favorable in the society”. Are you speaking from her father’s perspective or do you feel that Magdalena thought she could right her wrong by being physically punished for her actions?
Great project; your writing flows and is easy to follow. I can’t wait to read the final version!